Published Sun, Jan 12, 20.
Written by Rebecca Honorat.

On January 12, 2010, ten years ago today, a massive earthquake struck Haiti and killed more than 250,000 people. I was there. I remember it like it was yesterday. I want to take some time today to remember what happened that day in an effort to honour not only those who lost their lives, but also those who survived, and will forever be changed by their experience. I am one that survived, and I am one that will forever be changed.

I started looking back at my pictures & blog entries a few days ago in anticipation for writing this. This is the first time I’ve done it and it was so hard. Hard enough that I didn’t get very far. Most of what I’m writing today is from memory… maybe I’ll try reading through the blog for the 20^th anniversary instead.

When the earthquake started I was at home alone, sitting at my kitchen table, typing on my laptop… not so unlike what I am doing right now. The shaking was so violent that everything around me took flight. Pictures fell off the walls, the water cooler tipped over, the TV fell off the stand, my computer fell off the table. I recognized what was happening and quickly ducked under the table… remembering the training I received in Elementary School. I even faced away from the windows. I chuckle as I write this because my first instincts were very wrong! My table was cheap plastic patio furniture (which would not have provided me with any protection if the concrete roof fell) and I had no windows (so turning away from them left me facing the pantry shelves… and meant I was pelted with glass jars & large canned goods!). I did, however, stay calm. I started making my way to the front door as soon as the ground settled but an aftershock started almost immediately and I was knocked over, and then I crawled to a doorway and held on. After the 2^nd aftershock… there was barely any time between them, and it felt like I was in that shaking house for an eternity… I opened my front door and looked outside. My reality was rocked. There was rubble everywhere. My neighbors immediately started to yell at me to get out of the house… I remember hearing something like, “What are you still doing under a concrete roof... get out of the house… crazy white girl!”

I can distinctly remember the difference between inside my house and outside. There was a calmness inside my house that I can’t explain. Outside was complete chaos. People were screaming. People were digging through rubble trying to free people. People were covered in a white powder (from the blocks being crushed) and many people were bleeding. Once I got a few steps away from my front door I turned towards the children’s home compound and where there once was a wall… I just saw dust. I started running towards the compound and as I climbed over the crumbled wall I almost tripped over someone. I helped them free themselves and then continued to run. My eyes fixed on flailing arms. A large two-story building had been reduced to rubble and the flailing arms were only barely visible through the dust. One of the children was trapped and screaming for help. When I got to her, I saw her head & shoulders sticking out of a concrete slab. I didn’t realize at the time how strange it was that the concrete had opened up around her head… it should have crushed her. I struggled to try to pull her out as an aftershock brought me to my knees. A neighbour appeared beside me with a saw and together we cut the rebar and moved pieces of concrete that trapped her. I took my shirt off and wiped away the blood on her face and body and was speechless when I discovered that she only had minor cuts… Band-Aid cuts as I like to call them. God had performed a miracle for her… and for me as well, as my earthquake story would have been quite different if God had not protected the children’s compound the way He did.

Those first few moments are still so clear in my mind but the hours that followed kind of blur together. The community gathered together at the front of the compound and we counted children according to their bedrooms. None of the numbers matched. We combed through the rubble and freed people. We celebrated each discovery. We gave what food and money we had to leadership so it could be divided. We cheered for joy as family and friends made their way to us. We cried out for God’s mercy when we heard of the mass destruction in Port-au-Prince. The order of events is a bit fuzzy but the feelings I felt that day are still vivid, and I am reminded of them frequently… especially when I hear the rumble of a big truck driving by. The sound of the earthquake is etched in my brain just as much as the shaking is.

No one ventured far from the place where we gathered that first night and we huddled together in the dirty, blood stained clothes that we had on… many had removed clothing to help clean others up & make temporary bandages. Appearances didn’t matter, age didn’t matter, social status didn’t matter… we were one as the rain fell on us & the ground continued to shake underneath us. We sang & prayed together all night. There was nothing else we could do. The aftershocks came one after another... after another... after another.

It was in the middle of the night that first night that I felt God place a burden on my shoulders and, as tears rolled down my face, I lifted my hands up to praise God and to ask for strength… strength that I never needed before, and that could only be found in Him. God answered my prayer and I was ready the next day when the leaders in our community approached me and we discussed our strategy in the face of our new reality. All of my energy went into finding food & relief for the thousands that now gathered on our compound for refuge. The weeks that followed are filled with memories that may never be documented. Some things that I experienced I do want to member, but many things I do not.

I remember clearly the first time I was able to send news to family & friends. I had walked across town to find an internet connection that worked, and it was so discouraging to see the devastation in the wider community. I sat in front of my laptop for what seemed like an eternity… I had no words to describe what had happened… and what continued to happen all around me. A large aftershock hit as I sat there and I started to pray… and then I started typing my prayer.

“Lord, thank you for your mercy. Thank you for your protection. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for loving us enough to cover us with the blood of your son, Jesus. I know I am only here today because of your grace. I am only alive today because of your mercy. I am sorry that it took this earthquake for me to realize that. As the ground shakes underneath us it is impossible not to know & feel your power. You created this earth and everything on it. You can destroy it. You can preserve it. You can rebuild it. I beg you Lord to have mercy on us still. There is too much death. There is too much destruction. We are buckling under the pressure. We beg you, Lord, stop the ground from shaking. It has gone on for long enough. Sometimes it seems like the aftershocks are getting worse. Give us strength to care for one another. Give us wisdom to care for the children. Give us compassion to care for our neighbors. Stop the rains from falling on us as we sleep under the stars. Give us the resources to feed our bodies. Give us in abundance so we can share with others. We already know of people in our community that have starved to death. We are in your hands, Lord. There is no one else who can help us. Please Lord, continue to protect us. Have mercy on our souls & strengthen our bodies. Keep the fear of tomorrow away. Help us to stay focused on today as tomorrow is too overwhelming. As the grounds continue to shake we continue to call out to you. Help us not to grow weary with our present lifestyle. May we have courage. Above all Lord I pray that you touch our hearts with the reality that we are your creation. You are our Creator. You are our Father. You are our Lord. You are our Everything. I pray that this reality spreads across the oceans. That people praying with me now will get down on their knees and thank you for the breath they have in their lungs. Realize that they can’t live without you. Confess that they are sinners. Repent with sincerity. Accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior. Commit to serving the Lord despite their circumstances. Don’t let them wait for something like this to open their hearts.”

Reading my prayer ten years later brings so many feelings to the surface again. I remember feeling an immense gratitude. I was surrounded by destruction & death and yet I was alive and well. My house had not fallen and my new husband Renel was by my side. I remember feeling small in the new understanding of God’s power, mercy & grace. I also remember the heavy burden of knowing there were tough days ahead and the pressure that many people were relying on me.

What I didn’t understand that day, but came to realize in the coming months, is how amazing it is to see what can happen when people unite for a common goal. People came together to help Haiti in her time of need in a way that still awes me today.

Many people who were in Haiti that day will be reflecting on their experience and many of them suffered much more than I did. So many lost their lives, over 250,000 people died that day (or during the aftershocks). Many lost family members and friends. Many were injured. Many lost their homes &/or businesses. So many were injured. Renel lost his younger brother that day. As I look back, I feel the pain of what was taken away on January 12, 2010… but I also feel joy for what I gained that day. My Haitian family taught me how to be resilient, and do so with dignity & grace. The community leaders taught me that in a true team every position is equally important. God taught me to rely on Him completely. It felt like we were making baby steps each day but looking back those baby steps joined together to create incredible progress and healing was found in the process. It was a tough way to learn those lessons but I am grateful nevertheless.

It sounds strange to say, but my marriage to Renel was truly blessed by this experience. We got married on October 12 – exactly 3 months before the earthquake… it’s actually the way we remember our anniversary date! The Canadian Embassy offered to evacuate both of us, even though we hadn’t started the immigration process for Renel. Renel did not hesitate - he wanted to stay in Haiti and support our community. He immediately recognized that God was going to use us to bridge the gap between Haiti & Canada and facilitate the flow of support, and he was ready & willing. It was a selfless decision and he got ‘push back’ from some of his family & friends for not taking the opportunity to immigrate immediately… which is the dream of so many Haitians. The hard months that followed the initial earthquake bonded Renel & I in a powerful way. We were able to see strengths and weaknesses in each other, accept them and become a team without demanding the other to change. We trusted each other’s opinion on things that we ourselves didn’t understand, or have the time to learn. We were forced to acknowledge our cultural differences, accept them and, thanks to God’s wisdom, we were able to see the good in both cultures as we combined them on the fly. Our relationship is strong because of the turmoil we went through together and our experiences after the earthquake really set the stage for our passion for seeing families in Haiti become stronger.

Renel is not the only one that I bonded with through my earthquake experience. The way the community viewed me changed… I was truly seen as one of them. I slept on the ground with them under tarps for months. I embraced our sharing personal space. I cried out to God with them when we were terrified that the grounds would literally rip open from the shaking... not just on day one, but for months. I ate the military rations with them (and I shamelessly traded anything to get their instant coffee packets!). I chose to be with them when I didn’t have to… and they chose to accept me as one of them when they didn’t have to. I am incredibly grateful for their acceptance and it is one of the reasons that Renel & I believe our new ministry will be effective and fruitful. We praise God for being able to see an example of what He promises in Romans 8:28; “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Another spinoff experience for me was seeing the world’s reaction to the earthquake. The positive side was being on the receiving end of so much generosity & love. It was awesome and even overwhelming at times. Looking back, I realize that I did a poor job showing my appreciation to those who gave. I have prayed many times that God would bless those who supported us in our time of need, and I trust that He has (or will do) in a way that only He can. The negative side was seeing so many resources flood into Haiti, yet be distributed in inefficient ways… often creating division instead of encouraging people to unite and focus on recovery & development themselves. These experiences have helped solidify my desire to help strengthen & empower family units so that they can take ownership of their own future.

If you’ve made it to the end of this 'reflection' you are probably one of the few! Thank you for honouring my experience by hearing my story. It was a good exercise for me to go through and I am, more than ever, excited to see how my future will be shaped by my past!!

Rebecca Honorat

January 12, 2020

All of the pictures below were taken by me... most within the children's compound, some in the community of Grande Goave, and a few on the road to Port-au-Prince.